NFP Confusion "A shift in mentality"

Recently my wife and I have had many discussions about NFP and how ambiguous it is among Catholics. My wife heard on the radio a snippet from Dr. Popcak about how a family should use NFP and pray diligently to determine Gods will for their family size. This sparked up the question  "Why would you use NFP while discerning this?" I was under the impression that NFP was only to be used in serious circumstances. I don't believe it is eligible to use as a 'time out" until YOU decide what God will is for your family size. I did some web searching and found some great and not so great info out there. We all know there are NFP junkies out there that seem to believe it is the Catholic way of contracepting and that it can be used anytime in place of the pill, IUDs, etc..  I also frequently see brochures on parish book shelves describing how great NFP is and its good for your relationship too. I beg to differ here. NFP is an alternative to abstinence for couple who unfortunately have to make the sacrifice of not conceiving for some sad and hopefully serious reason. The priests at my parish have also given many sermons on the topic. 

The point is, you have some with a conservative understanding of it and others with a liberal understanding. I really wish the magesterium would give clarification as to what constitutes a "serious reason" for using NFP. Until that happens, were left with our traditions and the help of your confessor. 

The division that this problem has caused is very embarrassing to me. It reminds me of my protestant days. I mean the disagreement on doctrine and interpretations of texts etc.

So what are the "serious reasons" were talking about here? It may be serious to someone that their child attend a good college, have a newer car, wear good clothing and maybe have their own room in the house. Then there are others who are on the other end of the spectrum. They would say a serious reason would be something like not having the money to pay for  food, not having shoes or living in a one bedroom apartment with 4 kids. I think we can all agree on the seriousness of a lethal illness for the baby and or the mother, but some of the more everyday situations are pretty much up in the air for the individuals discernment. Or are they?

In situations like these the best thing Catholics can do is look at Scripture and Tradition. Some people would argue, "well, your looking at people from a different time and location. That cant apply to us today." I disagree, especially when it comes to the saints and their families. That is why they were canonized, so we can look at their lives and emulate them to the best of our ability.

Before we get into the resources, Ive heard it mentioned from a priest that "having as many kids as possible is not the goal." I would like to evaluate that statement and see what we can make of it. 

What is the correct frame of mind we as Catholics should have toward having many children? Hands down, it should be a positive mentality one of gratitude and pride in ones progeny. We see in so many scripture verses that fecundity is a direct blessing from God. We should hope to have such blessing from Him, because it the direct fruit from the love a couple shares with one another. I admit, the idea of taking care of a house full of children would be draining mentally and physically, but that in my opinion is the pessimistic view of it. The better choice is relishing the love, joy and contentment you get when spending time with your wife and children.

I get sick of hearing "Your wife is pregnant again? You know what causes that right?". That is another statement that labels children as some sort of condition that needs to be prevented. I believe Satan has succeeded in brainwashing Christians into thinking children are some sort of burden or drain on their lives. We should all start praying for a change in attitude. Now to the Word of God.

Lets crack open the old Duey-Rheims Bible. 

Psalms 126:3 Behold the inheritance of the Lord are children: the reward, the fruit of the womb.

126:4 As arrows in the hand of the mighty, so the children of them that have been shaken.

126:5 Blessed is the man that hath filled the desire with them; he shall not be confounded when he shall speak to his enemies in the gate."

This is by far my favorite scripture quote in regard to the blessing of children. It has some warlike connotation to it with the arrows mentioned in verse 4. This is not surprising considering Israel is from all time persecuted and in need of defense. 

In the Haddock commentary we read:

S. Jerome. --- "Such may be able to assist their aged parents, whereas those who are born in their old age must frequently be left orphans."

We also read from St. Alphonsus' commentary "Blessed is he that shall see his desire satisfied by the birth of so many children; he shall not suffer confusion when he shall have to treat with his enemies at the gate of the city, that is according to Bellermine, at the last judgment, which shall take place at the great gate, or before the whole world, when Jesus Christ shall confound the demons, who thought to drag the whole human race down to Hell."

So we see here that having children in some way gives us understanding, the opposite of being confounded, that we may us to our advantage at the judgment.  

Children really are are a blessing from the Lord. I think most people are too caught up in themselves to even notice this. If children are our inheritance from God, then we should not put our own limit on the gifts God gives us. 

The second verse I want to look at is Genesis

1:27 And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them.

1:28 And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and rule over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and all living creatures that move upon the earth.

We are encouraged by God to be fruitful. Never have I seen in scripture "Be fruitful and multiply, up until the 1960s when contraception becomes available". Also importantly I also don't see it said in scripture "Be fruitful and multiply up until the practice of NFP has become scandalously popular". Never have I seen it encouraged in scripture to only have a couple of children. In fact I would argue that just about anytime family or children are mentioned in scripture it is in a mindset of a great blessing and the more the merrier. I would encourage you to do a google search on on scriptures for large families etc. and Id be willing to bet you wont find a single verse discouraging them. 

God said, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth . . ." (Gen. 1:28). The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, "Sacred Scripture and the Church’s traditional practice see in large families a sign of God’s blessing and the parents’ generosity" (CCC 2373).For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. (CCC 2368).

People have been practicing some forms of contraception for centuries. Ive read evidence of this well be before Christianity. But the point I'm making is that this widespread 'contraceptive mentality' among Catholic Christians is a novel idea and has become supported by some within the church. I think the most confusing part of all this for me, is that its pretty much spelled out in the Catechism and other encyclicals and people just seem to ignore it. 

Let me summarize the CCC for you in the most basics terms I can. 

Children = Blessing (CCC 2373)

Contraception = intrinsically evil (CCC 2370)

NFP= only for serious reasons until its safe to stop practicing it (CCC 2368)

Just Reasons= physical, psychological, economic and social reasons (Humanae Vitae par. 10.)

Physical Reasons= You may become seriously ill during a pregnancy that may cause harm to you or the baby. 

Psychological= Diagnosed mental diseases. There are many of these, but I would guess clinical depression, schizophrenia, Bi-polar etc. 

Economic= You are in the poverty range and cant afford clothes and food. However, there are government programs that help with this. Not paying for college I would bet is not included in this section or other luxuries. I hope you get the idea. 

Social= Wars or like China's one child policy. 

These reasons are from a good orthodox priest. They are not my definitions. I'm speaking mostly to people who live in America, where most of the poor people are obese. If you live in America, you really have to try hard not to be fed. 

Now lets look at some of the lives of the Saints. 

This is a list I found on the Blog "Are We There Yet" It is pretty much just a listing of Saints who were formed in large families. This isn't an exhaustive list, but it is impressive.

Queen St. Margaret of Scotland, the mother of eight children
St. Therese of Lisieux, the ninth child
St. Gabriel of the Sorrowful Mother was the eleventh of thirteen children
St. Thomas Aquinas was the sixth son of the noble Aquino family
Gianna Beretta Molla was the tenth of thirteen children, mother of four, the last of whom she died to save
Pope St. Pius X was the second of eleven children in the Sarto family
Queen St. Clotilda bore five children
St. Catherine of Genoa was the youngest of five children
Faustina Kowalska of the Most Blessed Sacrament, the third of ten children
St. Bridget of Sweden was the mother of eight children
St. Hedwig was one of eight children and the mother of seven
St. Charles Borromeo was the third of six children
St. Thomas More was the father of four children, but also had a stepdaughter and two wards, plus several other students whom he mentored
St. Bernadette of Lourdes , one of six named children
St. Leonides, a martyr of the third century , was the father of seven sons
St. Lous de Montfort was one of eighteen children
St. Joan of Arc was one of five siblings
St. Francis de Sales was the oldest of six brothers
St. Casimir of Poland the third of thirteen children
Now lets look and see what some of the Saints say about family planning and children. 

"If we marry, it is only so that we may bring up children."  St. Justin Martyr, "First Apology," c. 160 A.D.

"God made the male and female for the propagation of the human race."  St. Irenaeus, "Against All Heresies," c. 180 A.D.

"Because of its divine institution for the propagation of man, the seed is not to be vainly ejaculated, nor is it to be damaged, nor is it to be wasted.  To have coitus other than to procreate children is to do injury to nature."  St. Clement ofAlexandria, "The Instructor of Children," 191 A.D.

"On account of their prominent ancestry and great property, the so-called faithful want no more children from slaves or lowborn commoners, they use drugs or sterility or bind themselves tightly in order to expel a fetus which has already been engendered."  St. Hippolytus, "Refutation of All Heresies," 225 A.D.

They (certain Egyptian heretics) exercise genital acts, yet prevent the conceiving of children.  Not in order to produce offspring, but to satisfy lust, are they eager for corruption."  St. Epiphanius of Salamis, "Medicine Chest Against Heresies," 375 A.D.

"...and that which is sweet, and universally desirable, the having of children, they esteem grievous and unwelcome.  Many at least with this view have even paid money to be childless, and have mutilated nature, not only killing the newborn, but even acting to prevent their beginning to live."  St. JohnChrysostom, "Homilies on Matthew," 391 A.D.

"But I wonder why he (the heretic Jovianianus) set Judah and Tamar before us for an example, unless perchance even harlots give him pleasure; or Onan, who was slain because he grudged his brother seed.  Does he imagine that we approve of any sexual intercourse except for the procreation of children?"  St. Jerome, "Against Jovinian," 393 A.D.

"You may see a number of women who are widows before they are wives. Other, indeed, will drink sterility and murder a man not yet born."  St. Jerome, "Letter 22," 396 A.D.

"And then, fearing because of your law against child-bearing...they copulate in a shameful union only to satisfy lust for their wives.  They are unwilling to have children, on whose account alone marriages are made.  When this is taken away, husbands are shameful lovers, wives are harlots, bridal chambers are brothels, fathers-in-law pimps."  St. Augustine of Hippo, "Against Faustus," 400 A.D.

"For necessary sexual intercourse for begetting (children) is alone worthy of marriage.  But that which goes beyond this necessity no longer follows reason but lust."  St. Augustine of Hippo, "The Good of Marriage," 401 A.D.

We see here from these quotes, the church fathers are pretty cut and dry on many aspects of family planing, contraception and abortion. Some of these quotes deal specifically on contraception and abortion, but the prevailing theme we see in that the purpose of marriage for the begetting and rearing of children. 

I think I will sum up this with just a few thoughts I think that we should walk away with. The biggest issue we are facing is the corruption of our modern way of thinking that children are some sort of burden as opposed to a great blessing. We all know how demanding raising children can be, but that is not a just reason for preventing child birth, no matter what means you use to prevent it. Also, I would argue that the Church has provided NFP for those couples who are in situations where becoming pregnant may be dangerous to the health of the infant or the mother, in some sort of economic downturn where there is difficulty in paying bills and feeding children and or in a state of social unrest; i have provided examples above for these situations. If a couple were not to prevent conception with these dangers present, then that would be irresponsible and worthy of criticism. At that time it would be "responsible parenthood" to prevent conception by either abstinence or NFP. I would greatly encourage people to trust the Lord with their family size and consider the possibility of being a proud parent of a large traditional Catholic family. Open yourself to the will of God for procreation and for generosity. One of the most selfless acts anyone can do in this life is to lay down ones life for another. Lay down your life by giving it to your children and then continue to lay it down as many times as God blesses you with the opportunity. 

Pax Tecum